Faith - I want Gods best but...

Lord, I want your best for me. But if it includes leaving my job or school I don’t want to hear it. I want your best for me, but I don’t have the faith necessary to leave when you say leave. I don’t have the faith to stop when you say stop. To pray regarding if I have made the right decision, because you see God I have so much that needs to be done. I have to please my family; my current family and my family that I trust you for, they need me God. Yes, I know you need me too! But God let me do this. It says in your word that a man who doesn’t work doesn’t eat; therefore, I must work. I must go to school get a degree and get a good job to make good money and provide for my family. Serving in the church every Wednesday and Sunday because I want to live for you Lord, I desire for my will to align with yours. I want to do whatever it is that you have for me. I want to walk in a straight line. I will do my best not to intentionally sin. As I learn better I will do better! You are my rock, you are my provider I live for you and only you God. Just don’t deal with me regarding my finances.

Has this ever been you? Are you someone who feels like YOU have to work so hard to make those around you happy, to provide for your family to the point where you shut God out in this area of providing for you?

This has definitely been me. Growing up with everything I could ever want or think to want was so great! At least I thought. I was never really the type to ask for much so everything that I asked for I got. The older I became I realized that the things that I asked for sometimes came easy, and others didn’t. My parents would sometimes argue, doing everything they could to make sure their little girl wanted for nothing. Grateful, of course! But this hurt me. At the age of fourteen I decided that I was old enough to work so I was going to work and work hard. As many hours as I could as often as I could even if I had school it was like work was my top priority. This carried on with me throughout my entire high school and college career. I was something like a workaholic, just to keep my parents from having to worry about me. I had the mindset where if I took care of all of the stuff that I could this would take some of the stress off of them.

Of course I wasn’t able to pay for EVERYTHING and sometimes needed their help but I developed the mindset where I wouldn’t go to them unless I ABSOLUTELY had to. I would almost prefer to go without than to run to them. It seems like a good thing it seems like the way to live life, if you’re able you need to go out there and get whatever it is that you want in life, don’t sit around and wait for it to come to you. Man, did I hear that an awful lot from my peers. Go to school, get a good job, make good money. That was another common one that I heard and you may have heard yourself. The world around us has such a large impact on our life and our decisions that we end up blocking out Gods direction because of distractions. Do we aim to please man or do we aim to please Christ?

Towards the middle of last year I would listen to In Your Will – Men of Standard EVERY DAY pouring my heart out to God. Asking God to wreck me completely aligning my will with His, I knew that I was made new in Him 2 Corinthians 5:17. I had heard the story of Abraham and his son and the faith Abraham had so many times but it never clicked with me the way that it did one Sunday around September. The story moved me so much that I prayed asking God for faith like Abraham. So not only was I crying out to Him to align my will with his FAITHFULLY, I was praying for Faith like Abraham. Now remind you this is when I decide “okay, God I am going to lay everything down for you. I say I live for you but I am still living selfishly change me Lord”. This is when I was digging so deep into Gods word I was tired of going to church hearing the word, trying to apply it to my life but relying on the fact that He would forgive me so if I fell short it didn’t really matter. I mean of course I tried not to sin but I wasn’t as worried about it as I am not, which of course I am still growing! Nonetheless, I was praying for God to completely wreck me.

I wanted so badly to lay down my old self my goals my dreams to live for Him. Well at least that’s what I thought, that’s what I prayed for. Then one day God told me to quit my job. WHAT! Quit my what? Excuse me… Hmm nahhhhh! My response was horrible, I did everything I could to try and make the thought go away. I told myself a man who doesn’t work doesn’t eat. I told myself I was just overwhelmed and it would be okay. I told myself that I needed some sleep. I tried to regain the fire I had when I first started working at my job, I told myself that I had a purpose at my job and couldn’t leave. I did everything in my power to avoid the fact that God really told me that. I prayed about it, I got on my face before God about it. I told God that I wanted to please Him, I want His best for me but surely it’s not possible He wants me to quit my job. Why would I do that, I have to work I have to pay bills I can’t rely on my parents I’ve already pulled away from them. I’m independent now so God I can do this, I trust you but this is what I’m supposed to be doing so that I won’t be considered lazy.

God definitely gives us what we pray for I began to hear so many stories of others who were told to quit their job and how obedient they were and the results. I was given assignments by God to accomplish at work and knew that once I had done that my assignment there was complete. I had people reach out and offer to help me randomly. I knew that this was nothing but God, so I cut my hours. SMH that is not what he told me to do but I was trying to reason with God. I began getting migraines while at work, that would only come at work or when I talked about work. I thought maybe it was a sign because I was being hard headed but I continued to ignore it. I “HAD” to continue working! Then one day while reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren I came across a section that says “delayed obedience is still disobedience” this shocked me! It scared me! I couldn’t take it any longer. I turned in my notice, immediately the headaches stopped. This blew my mind.

Looking back on this I wouldn’t change a thing. I know now to count the cost before attempting to do something, before praying for something and more than that to be specific in my prayer. I love growing in Christ. Since I have quit my job I have been given so many opportunities and so many doors have been open for me. My ministry is on the way including the bracelets he led me to make, Have You Died Lately Bracelets . Had I stayed working at my job I wouldn’t have the time to do what it is that He needed me to do in this season. I am not by any means saying go quit your job it’s okay to quit because God will provide. I am however telling you to be obedient to God because He promises never to leave us nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5 Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” If he has called you to it He will certainly see you through it. God will not tell us to do something that will hurt us or cause us intentional harm we may not understand the purpose and it may not even benefit us, it may be completely for someone else, but it will however be worth it! God is so good, he wants all of you! The world can’t give you anything more than the creator himself is able to give you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Prayer: Lord, open my heart to you! Open my heart, my mind to hear what it is that you have for me. To see what it is that you’ve called me to do. If my plans do not align with yours wreck me Lord, come in and take over showing me your best for my life. Allow me to die to my flesh, to die to the ways of this world and live for you alone. I long for a heart like yours Lord, draw me closer to you. Strengthen me in you Lord as I know this may not be easy but I TRUST it will be worth it. Thank you Lord for my portion! Help me to stay in my own lane Lord and not get discouraged by the world around me in Jesus Name. AMEN!